allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
