I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
