I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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