When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just invented taco cereal.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
