We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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