The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
