The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
