you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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