playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
