she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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