hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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