apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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