I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
