No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
