i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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