you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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