i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
