to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
