I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
