Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
