She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize