I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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