I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
