maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
