he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
