Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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