we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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