don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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