I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
