cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
