girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
