She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
