I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
