fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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