holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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