i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
