i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize