i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
