Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
