do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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