Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
