I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
