There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
