Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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