Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
