I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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