Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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