I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
