Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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