She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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