Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
