If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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