You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
