What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
