There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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