This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
