So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
