with your own penis?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
