My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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