god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
