i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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