Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
