the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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