ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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