I need help removing her.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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