because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
