the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
