drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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