What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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