I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
