tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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