Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
