I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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