she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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