new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
