nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
