ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
