When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
