the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
