You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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