You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will pee on everything he values.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
