why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
