so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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