just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize