I am puke
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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