My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
