he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
