I'm going to jail i love you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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