I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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