I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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