He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
