it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
