I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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