I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize