Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
