I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
