his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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