she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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