My hand turned me down
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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