oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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