How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
