so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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